One of the most important things we can teach children is the ability to advocate for themselves and others. Self-advocacy and the ability to speak up for others are essential life skills that contribute to emotional intelligence, personal empowerment, and healthy relationships. However, navigating the balance between advocacy and defiance can be tricky, especially in the early years. Understanding how to support your child in developing advocacy skills while fostering respect for authority and others is key to raising confident, empathetic individuals.
What is Self-Advocacy?
Self-advocacy is the ability to express one’s needs, desires, and rights clearly and respectfully. It’s a skill that starts to develop early in childhood and continues to evolve as children grow. Self-advocacy is about having the confidence to speak up for oneself, make decisions, and assert boundaries in a way that respects both oneself and others.
For example, a child might advocate for themselves by saying, “I don’t like when you take my toys without asking. Please ask me first.” This shows that they understand their rights and are able to communicate their feelings and needs clearly.
How to Help Children Develop Self-Advocacy
Encouraging self-advocacy in infants, toddlers, and preschoolers is crucial for helping them build confidence and self-esteem. Here are some strategies to help foster these skills:
1. Start Early with Communication Skills
Even before children can speak, they are learning to communicate their needs. Infants can express themselves through crying, cooing, and gestures, while toddlers and preschoolers begin using words to express their emotions and desires. Encouraging these early communication skills is essential for fostering self-advocacy.
- For Infants: Respond to their cues, such as crying, and comfort them to help them feel heard and understood.
- For Toddlers and Preschoolers: Encourage the use of words to express emotions, needs, and desires. For example, when your toddler says “No!” in response to something, acknowledge their feelings, then guide them in using words like “I don’t want that right now” or “Can I have a turn?”
2. Model Self-Advocacy
Children learn by example. Be mindful of how you advocate for yourself, as children will model your behavior. If you’re faced with a challenging situation, demonstrate how you can advocate for your needs respectfully and calmly.
- Example: If you’re in a situation where you need something, such as explaining your needs in a group setting, speak up and explain your needs in a way that children can understand. For instance, when at a family party, and family members might be pushing you to eat dessert, you might say, “Thank you for offering but I am trying to eat more healthful foods.”
3. Teach Problem-Solving and Emotional Regulation
Self-advocacy is tied to the ability to regulate emotions and think critically about how to handle a situation. Teach children how to identify their emotions and use strategies like deep breathing or taking a break before advocating for themselves. This helps them approach situations calmly and respectfully.
- Example: If a preschooler is upset because a peer took their toy, teach them how to express their feelings calmly: “I feel upset because you took my toy without asking. I would like to have a turn with it.”
4. Encourage Decision-Making and Choice
Empower your child by offering choices whenever possible. This could be as simple as letting them choose between two snacks or deciding what color shirt to wear. Giving children opportunities to make decisions helps them build the confidence to assert their needs and preferences.
How to Help Children Advocate for Others
As children develop self-advocacy skills, it’s also important to teach them how to advocate for others. Advocacy for others involves recognizing when someone else’s rights or needs aren’t being met and speaking up on their behalf.
1. Teach Empathy and Perspective-Taking
The ability to advocate for others begins with empathy—the ability to understand and share the feelings of another person. Help children develop empathy by encouraging them to consider how others might feel in various situations.
- Example: If a child sees a peer being left out during playtime, help them understand the situation by saying, “How do you think your friend feels? Wouldn’t it be nice if you invited them to play with you?”
2. Encourage Kindness and Fairness
Promote behaviors like kindness, sharing, and fairness. Encourage your child to speak up when they see someone being treated unfairly or when a friend is upset. Teach them that advocating for others is an act of kindness and support.
- Example: If a child witnesses someone being teased, guide them in standing up for the person by saying something like, “That’s not nice. Everyone deserves to be treated kindly.”
3. Provide Opportunities for Group Advocacy
Allow children to practice advocating for others in group settings, like at school or during playdates. For instance, if a friend is struggling with a game, encourage your child to help them or speak up to ensure that everyone has a turn.
Balancing Advocacy and Defiance
It’s important to distinguish between advocacy and defiance. While self-advocacy is a healthy way to express needs and assert oneself, defiance typically involves rejecting authority or disregarding rules without consideration for others. Finding a balance between standing up for oneself and respecting boundaries is key to social and emotional development.
1. Set Clear Expectations and Boundaries
Children need to understand that while advocating for themselves is important, it should always be done respectfully. Setting clear boundaries and explaining the reasons behind rules helps children understand the difference between standing up for their needs and defying authority.
- Example: If a child refuses to clean up their toys, you can say, “I understand you don’t want to stop playing right now, but it’s time to clean up. We will play again after everything is tidy.”
2. Teach Respectful Communication
Advocacy should always be paired with respectful communication. Encourage your child to use polite words like “please,” “thank you,” and “may I” when speaking up. This teaches them how to assert themselves in a manner that fosters positive relationships.
- Example: Teach your preschooler to say, “I’d like to have a turn with that toy, please,” instead of demanding it.
3. Address Defiance with Calmness and Consistency
If your child is being defiant, it’s important to address it calmly and consistently. Help them understand the importance of respecting authority while also expressing their feelings and needs. It’s essential to maintain a balance where the child’s needs are heard, but also where appropriate boundaries are respected.
Why Self-Advocacy and Advocacy for Others Are Important
Developing self-advocacy and advocacy skills is vital because they:
- Foster Confidence: Children who can advocate for themselves are more likely to feel confident in their abilities and their value.
- Promote Social Skills: Advocating for others encourages empathy, respect, and cooperation, which are crucial for healthy relationships and social success.
- Support Emotional Well-Being: Learning to express feelings, needs, and desires constructively helps children regulate their emotions and cope with frustration.
- Empower Future Success: Children who learn to speak up for themselves and others are better equipped to navigate challenges in school, friendships, and later in life.
Conclusion
Teaching young children self-advocacy and advocacy for others lays a strong foundation for emotional intelligence, social success, and a healthy sense of self. By encouraging them to communicate their needs, stand up for others, and balance advocacy with respect, we empower them to navigate the world with confidence and compassion. Helping children develop these skills is not only beneficial for their individual growth but also helps foster a kinder, more supportive community.
